Chapter Five: Overcoming Perfectionism & People Pleasing
“Until we accept and approve of ourselves, no amount of approval from others or position in life will keep us permanently secure. The outside approval we seek becomes an addiction. We work to get approval and it feels good for a short while; then we find that we need more and more. True freedom never comes until we fully realize that we don’t need to struggle to get from others what God freely gives us: love, acceptance, approval, security, worth, and value.”― Joyce Meyer
What are “they” thinking about me? If I do this what will my parents, my friends, my church family, strangers, and other people “think” of me? Time and time again in my life I have struggled with the battle of people pleasing. I am sure it started when I was younger with worrying about how I looked and being consumed with other’s view of my outer appearance, as well as, what I liked. I can remember someone asking what my favorite kind of music was and feeling embarrassed because I really liked a combination of different styles of music.
I enjoyed many Christian artists like CeCe Winans, Jaci Velasquez, Kirk Franklin, Michael W. Smith and Nicole C. Mullen. However, I also liked N’Sync, different R&B , 80’s rock, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Ginuwine, K-ci and Jojo, etc. I just liked music that was upbeat, as well as, worship songs to the Lord.
It is one thing to be considerate of others and not selfish, but people pleasing is an extreme. It is being so consumed with the thoughts, opinions, and ideas of others that you don’t freely share your own ideas, thoughts, and opinions. It also can be called “the fear of man” in Scripture.
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe”
How to Overcome People Pleasing and Perfectionism
- Find acceptance in Jesus
- Begin sharing what you really think
- Embrace God’s joy over you
- Accept the perfection of Jesus
- Embrace who you really are