Chapter Six: Daddy Issues
“You’re a Good, Good Father. It’s who you are, It’s who you are, It’s who you are and I’m loved by you It’s who I am, It’s who I am, It’s who I am. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways to us.”- Housefires
You need to know that it is possible to be healed and overcome issues rooted in your relationship with your father (or mother since some people struggle with either parent) You can apply these truths to your mother also if this is you. I know it is incredibly painful and difficult if your Dad wasn’t in your life due to divorce, separation, death or maybe your parents never were married and you never met him.
In my life I felt a great amount of rejection, abandonment, and insecurity that was rooted in my parents’ separation. For some people even with their father physically present in their life or home there could still be hurts due to him working a lot or maybe having expectations that you struggled to live up to. Just know that other people have experienced similar things too.
Growing up, I loved my Daddy (and I still do). I can remember sweet times playing, laughing, and being together when we all lived in Raleigh, North Carolina. I remember Christmas times and birthdays together as a family that were wonderful. I also remember going to church together and Awana.
I even remember my mom telling me how I used to love going outside to hold the flashlight for my Dad while he worked on cars. I always remember my Dad being a hard worker and loving technical work. He also loved people-never meeting a stranger, cracking jokes, and music. U2 and Prince were some of his favorite artists.
However, when we moved to Newport News, I can remember things changing. My parents argued a lot then, there was a lot of stress due to my Dad’s work. My elementary years I remember a lot of things that went on in our home where there was strain on all of us. Eventually, my Dad ended up moving to California and my Mom, my sister, and I stayed in Virginia. It was horrible. I remember feeling so sad a lot because I really missed my Daddy. I also felt like in my mind I was the only one without my dad. Our church family was very encouraging. It was filled with people that truly loved our family and offered us support, love, and generosity. I can remember visiting at other friend’s houses and their families being a source of encouragement.
But, even still, the feelings of loss, grieving, and pain over time became a bitter place in my heart. Every little girl and little boy longs for their father’s love, approval, blessing, and presence. It was a hard time that I know also affected my view of God. I thought that God was proud of me when I read my Bible, prayed, and was “good”. Then I felt as if He were disappointed or displeased with me when I didn’t do those things. It was not based on the truth, but on the fact that my parents’ were separated so Satan attempted to use that to speak lies to me.
How do you overcome “Daddy issues” and move forward?
1. Understand your Daddy
2. Give grace to your earthly father
3. Forgive and ask for forgiveness
4. Don’t be overly critical
5. Honor your dad
6. Create new memories or recall good ones from the past
7. Know that you are a cherished daughter